I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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