Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
