so let's talk penis.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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