Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I need moral support for this bender
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
