I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize