you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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