he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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