have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
