What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize