i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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