I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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