the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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