Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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