I bet he comes in French.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize