I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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