I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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