That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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