Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
