The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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