i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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