I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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