the condom got lost in my hair
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
