My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
