I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize