how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize