You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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