I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
