New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
