I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
