im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
