your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
