3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize