Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
