I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
