tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
