if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
