Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
