just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just high enough for therapy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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