I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize