I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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