That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
