Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
