The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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