i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
