My balls are so social today.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
