wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
