so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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