I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
