dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
