Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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