Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
