Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
