honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
