Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize