I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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