am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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