no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
