First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
