No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
