eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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