I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize