Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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