Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
