Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize