Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
