So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's Friday. Sex?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
