im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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