i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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