i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
