I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's great music for shaving your balls
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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