One girl and one boy is just not enough.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
